About talkomatic713 : Can't imagine anyone looking to FML for conversation...but if the feeling strikes you, send me a message.
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talkomatic713's favorite FMLs
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
by 504-A1 / 05/11/2012 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
by quirrus / 05/07/2012 at 5:42am / United States / Intimacy
by madseason / 05/06/2012 at 8:13pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/05/2012 at 3:08am / United States / Miscellaneous
by hjkashld / 04/23/2012 at 9:48pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
by jonasister / 04/15/2012 at 2:43pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Intimacy
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
by joolsie / 04/13/2012 at 9:11am / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy
by Munkeh / 04/12/2012 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML
by jordyn173 / 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
by anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML
by preggo / 02/19/2012 at 3:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 11:52pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 02/11/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
by dasnich / 02/04/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…