About talkomatic713 : Can't imagine anyone looking to FML for conversation...but if the feeling strikes you, send me a message.
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talkomatic713's favorite FMLs
Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML
by MoneyMike / 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by deez_nutz / 03/10/2009 at 8:46am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML
by toothache / 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health
by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
by Scottrick / 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Sdutent / 03/01/2009 at 3:34am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
by sarahhh / 02/13/2009 at 2:18pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
by florisvanlent / 02/12/2009 at 11:17am / Netherlands (Drenthe) / Intimacy
Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML
by princesspea / 02/07/2009 at 11:41am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by nolongerengaged / 02/03/2009 at 12:08pm / United States / Love
by Wenny / 01/18/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, I went for an operation. Only to walk out with my gallbladder still there and the news I am… Today, my friend asked me whether I wanted to go to the gym with her, after grabbing my phone and a… Today, I lost my wallet during a flight. I figured it was in a bag that I had given to an attendant…