sylo00147

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sylo00147

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 91
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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sylo00147's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

by Loserbot / 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

by ohai95 / 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML

by Joe Lizen / 08/06/2012 at 9:40pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

by LNamesOnly / 07/09/2012 at 3:31am / Australia / Kids

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

by totallyembarassed / 07/07/2012 at 12:08am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, after backpacking acrossing Europe for a month, I picked up my dog from the doghouse. No one will listen to me or acknowledge the fact that he's now missing two toes. FML

by tagteam / 07/05/2012 at 12:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

by bob / 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

by smart move there / 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm / Ireland (Kildare) / Intimacy

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

by Coykoi / 05/16/2012 at 10:19am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML

by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids