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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26427) - you deserved it (15665)
On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4274) - you deserved it (13681)
On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40067) - you deserved it (3336)
On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)
Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31162) - you deserved it (6051)
On 06/15/2011 at 6:20am - misc - by unknown - United States (California)
Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (22647) - you deserved it (14573) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins
Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20244) - you deserved it (1977)
On 12/14/2010 at 1:02pm - misc - by hozzyandie (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27952) - you deserved it (7801)
On 06/18/2010 at 3:13am - work - by Stevo - United States (Washington)
Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19857) - you deserved it (2321)
On 02/03/2010 at 8:48am - health - by Scaredshitless - Sent from mobile version
Today, my boyfriend and his friends had a conversation about the power of boobs. He later asked me to make him a sandwich to "prove my love for him." I said "How about I just show you my tits?" Without looking up from the TV, he said, "How about you make me a sandwich?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10023) - you deserved it (19018)
On 12/10/2009 at 11:19pm - love - by Sheik (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14719) - you deserved it (33279)
On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4354) - you deserved it (32105)
On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53781) - you deserved it (7383)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my friend and i decided to call my boyfriend of three months on three way pretending that i wasn't on the phone. They started talking about me and how cute we were together when my boyfriend says, ''I really do like Ashley a lot and its going to be even harder when i tell her i'm gay now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (65352) - you deserved it (16989)
On 03/19/2009 at 9:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
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