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swordidfate's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
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You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
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swordidfate's favorite FMLs
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
by rachel / 08/10/2013 at 4:56pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
by his word vs mine = me suspended / 08/10/2013 at 2:41pm / United Kingdom (Stockport) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm / Switzerland / Health
by pong / 08/06/2013 at 5:59pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Health
Today, I woke up at 6am and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML
by Tea_baggins / 08/06/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I was stretching after a group run. I noticed one of the girls was having problems balancing, so I told her that I have horrible balance too, but that it'll get better. She sneered and said she had a brain tumor when she was a kid, and that's why she has such bad balance. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Health
by tigger2013 / 08/03/2013 at 12:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (California) / Kids
by anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:48am / United States (Texas) / Animals
- Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we… Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just… Today, I wore a sexy nurse's outfit for a little roleplay with my boyfriend. After the main event,…