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swooshq

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swooshq
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9735
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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swooshq's favorite FMLs

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48035) - you deserved it (3252)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11520) - you deserved it (35901)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

#3737947
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43951) - you deserved it (16109)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by pkstarstorm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

#3686221
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7725) - you deserved it (56775)

On 07/12/2009 at 3:07am - health - by Best-stuf-on-Earth (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

#3578218
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6947) - you deserved it (56639)

On 07/08/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Nancy (woman) -

Today, I was skating with my friends and I decided to go to the gas station to get a pack of cigs. The last thing I remember hearing was "Look out!" I am now with twenty stitches because some idiot bet he could throw a brick farther than another guy. FML

#3522499
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49317) - you deserved it (7668)

On 07/06/2009 at 2:49am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

#3503017
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47129) - you deserved it (4286)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was ringing up an elderly woman's massaging shower head, when she said, "If I had a man like you, I wouldn't need this." She then gave me her number. FML

#3500742
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38158) - you deserved it (2213)

On 07/05/2009 at 8:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59542) - you deserved it (11396)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

#3268493
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118383) - you deserved it (8672)

On 06/27/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7084) - you deserved it (106079)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66108) - you deserved it (3477)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113690) - you deserved it (71756)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

#867771
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65656) - you deserved it (4591)

On 04/08/2009 at 6:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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