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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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swooshq

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swooshq
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9124
  • Number of comments : 80
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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swooshq's favorite FMLs

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

#5822673 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (15708) - you deserved it (8432)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635 (136)

I agree, your life sucks (45740) - you deserved it (10322)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (34328) - you deserved it (2900)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

#5086042 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (34963) - you deserved it (2706)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:33pm - love - by me (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

#4998689 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (38531) - you deserved it (11323)

On 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

#4945684 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (37357) - you deserved it (9230)

On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

#4928502 (231)

I agree, your life sucks (46079) - you deserved it (5476)

On 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3AM. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

#4889725 (103)

I agree, your life sucks (28861) - you deserved it (9105)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by chasingcars0624 - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

#4865635 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (5181) - you deserved it (43339)

On 08/27/2009 at 7:00pm - work - by staringisrude (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (47103) - you deserved it (14074)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

#4787214 (307)

I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (2978)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by embarassed_chick (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum". FML

#4777609 (68)

I agree, your life sucks (28823) - you deserved it (5181)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

#4734669 (415)

I agree, your life sucks (34955) - you deserved it (15869)

On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML

#4636801 (286)

I agree, your life sucks (48192) - you deserved it (8638)

On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!" FML

#4630669 (221)

I agree, your life sucks (74598) - you deserved it (4454)

On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States