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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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swimmin_diva

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swimmin_diva
  • Town/Country : San Antonio, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 June 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1679
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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swimmin_diva's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML

#794025 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (57163) - you deserved it (12161)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:34am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

#761206 (480)

I agree, your life sucks (167981) - you deserved it (51067)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

#637198 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (54327) - you deserved it (3159)

On 03/27/2009 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

#574759 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (53482) - you deserved it (3995)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Rai (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

#570871 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (71340) - you deserved it (4102)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by proudestmonkey (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (78265) - you deserved it (22336)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

#554524 (150)

I agree, your life sucks (57247) - you deserved it (6326)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Marian (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

#538708 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (51100) - you deserved it (5324)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by liz1234 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML

#498194 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (20351) - you deserved it (98759)

On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (20724) - you deserved it (75035)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (144038) - you deserved it (21254)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744 (73)

I agree, your life sucks (13894) - you deserved it (58597)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

#305736 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (56677) - you deserved it (19755)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

#279648 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (47128) - you deserved it (14762)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw two lovely ladies leave my neighbor's house. A couple of minutes later he walks out. I made the international "did you fuck them?" horizontal fist pump hand gesture towards him. He then tells me they were his daughters. FML

#236722 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (5802) - you deserved it (45756)

On 03/07/2009 at 7:45pm - misc - by OSJ (man) - United States (New York)