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sweetxcandi's favorite FMLs
by daughterofanazi / 02/08/2012 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/07/2012 at 7:04am / United States / Health
by embarrassed / 01/30/2012 at 10:54pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML
by LowerCrust / 01/29/2012 at 9:36pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by anonymous / 01/15/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 12:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML
by Dani / 01/12/2012 at 5:35am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by ThatOneGirl646 / 01/11/2012 at 7:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / United Arab Emirates / Kids
Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML
by Tom Ali / 01/10/2012 at 3:50pm / United States / Transportation
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
by immy504 / 11/30/2011 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML
by TheCrossingChick / 11/30/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML
by Anonymous / 11/28/2011 at 6:54pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I threw up when I got home because I'd been drinking with friends. My parents asked what was…