sweetxcandi

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sweetxcandi

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3762
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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sweetxcandi's page activity

Visits<b>pkrfan2018</b> - the 01/04/2013 at 6:58am

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sweetxcandi's favorite FMLs

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

by Danny / 11/11/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

by SebastianMiko / 11/09/2012 at 2:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

by ohcrap / 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

by pheebs314 / 11/07/2012 at 4:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward 2 hours of my life. FML

by Tj Hunt / 11/04/2012 at 10:26pm / United States / Love

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

by anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

by somebody / 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

by stuff2710 / 03/04/2012 at 7:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my plane took off, I was forced to sit and watch as somebody rear-ended my car in the parking lot. FML

by Sean / 03/03/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

by Peach / 03/02/2012 at 12:46am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

by baconandkittens / 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous