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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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sweetheart5292

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sweetheart5292
  • Town/Country : Charlotte, NC, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 21 February 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 9294
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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sweetheart5292's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailor started out with "Most babies are accidents..." right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

#3295379 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (48107) - you deserved it (3087)

On 06/28/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by A2 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss came over to my desk and struck up a casual conversation about movies. After a while, he sat on the edge of my desk, nodded toward my chest, and said in the same casual, lighthearted tone, "And nice cleavage today. Keep that up." FML

#3028643 (398)

I agree, your life sucks (44096) - you deserved it (9263)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML

#2999612 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (41144) - you deserved it (3573)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:40pm - love - by Ann (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

#2975022 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (43222) - you deserved it (3056)

On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (41268) - you deserved it (15820)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

#2831839 (290)

I agree, your life sucks (98225) - you deserved it (5700)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73322) - you deserved it (13618)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (59382) - you deserved it (6145)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (69770) - you deserved it (14574)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (56572) - you deserved it (4518)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (10500) - you deserved it (62459)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

#2699534 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (88933) - you deserved it (3805)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

#2688793 (488)

I agree, your life sucks (24339) - you deserved it (224163)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

#2485875 (296)

I agree, your life sucks (31298) - you deserved it (26038)

On 05/31/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by bluehairedfreakgirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML

#2464637 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (39722) - you deserved it (8550)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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