I read FML to make me feel better. It does.
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML
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On 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm - money - by SnuggieOverload (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML
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On 09/23/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by DusterOverBits (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, "what seems to be the problem officers?" He wasn't kidding. FML
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On 08/07/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Jstar - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I had to go tow a car that had sat for months. When I got in it I noticed the roof was all dented and covered in dirt that kept falling on me. Turns out the owner killed himself with a shotgun. The dirt was dried blood and the dents were from the pellets. Coworkers knew and no one told me. FML
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On 07/18/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Sirorik - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was in my car and a cute guy pulled up next to me. He looked at me and smiled, but in order to be cool, I pretended not to notice. I also pretended that I was listening to music and was completely absorbed in it, singing passionately. I wasn't even listening to music and my window was down. FML
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On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML
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On 07/01/2009 at 4:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friends approached me and accused me of being anorexic cause i've dropped a lot of weight lately. I swore to them that i wasn't anorexic. They jokingly asked "Do you have cancer or something?" All i could do was stare at my feet. That wasn't exactly how i wanted them to find out. FML
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On 05/25/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML
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On 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm - love - by Ames (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
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On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML
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On 04/09/2009 at 1:04am - love - by skmusic (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I used the community vacuum to clean my dorm. When spots started appearing on the floor, I assumed it was leaking water. By the time I finished there were tons of wet spots on the floor. Later I found out that someone had just used that very vacuum to suck up vomit. FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML
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On 03/25/2009 at 1:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML
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On 03/15/2009 at 12:32am - work - by Bubbah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
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On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML
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On 02/25/2009 at 12:17pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
