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swansung

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swansung

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 September 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4933
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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swansung's page activity

Visits<b>mizzles</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 9:44am

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swansung's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

#17526799
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30467) - you deserved it (4651)

On 08/20/2011 at 3:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

#17525385
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27854) - you deserved it (2447)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:44am - misc - by anonymous22kittylicklick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML

#17522929
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26480) - you deserved it (10756)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:22pm - health - by Username - United States

Today, I was helping some friends put supplies in my crush's car for our picnic. His girlfriend cracked a joke about me, so I just sarcastically laughed and slammed the door shut. Now she has three broken fingers, and I have a reputation as a psychopath. FML

#17522033
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (8304)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:47pm - misc - by friendly_neighbourhood_psycho (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

#17521930
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28059) - you deserved it (5145)

On 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm - love - by Jace - United Kingdom (Aberdeen City)

Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML

#17518682
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10011) - you deserved it (24719)

On 08/19/2011 at 11:08am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

#17496000
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27770) - you deserved it (3340)

On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35089) - you deserved it (10009)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34653) - you deserved it (3449)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

#17376503
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7347) - you deserved it (61150)

On 08/05/2011 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML

#17361145
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10378) - you deserved it (24211)

On 08/03/2011 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

#17355150
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26344) - you deserved it (7826)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm - health - by indierocklove - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents wouldn't let me go to the fair because they reckon my IQ is so low, I could quite possibly choke on cotton candy and pass out confused by the hall of mirrors. FML

#17335799
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25648) - you deserved it (5884)

On 08/01/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by vsf - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

#17334283
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11707) - you deserved it (65560)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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