Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

swampbaby985

Offline (yesterday at 10:06am) | Search for a member

swampbaby985

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1834
  • Number of comments : 69
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>kAPISH</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 8:39pm<b>phoenixrises</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 10:44am<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 11:46pm<b>GetIt23</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 9:04am<b>Mons</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:10am<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 4:27pm<b>BBlah</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 3:18am<b>CAC_Boomerang</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:33pm<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 2:33am<b>minioncandy</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 8:16pm<b>JoshArson</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:06am<b>shadowedpixie</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 4:39am<b>pptm</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:31am<b>lululatenight</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:07pm<b>watermelon1</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 12:23am<b>KawaiiPenguin13</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 9:56pm<b>martin8337</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:26am<b>ShortyJorty</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 4:46am

swampbaby985's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
819 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118977) - you deserved it (73883)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78357) - you deserved it (5082)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

#2699534
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (127583) - you deserved it (7028)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

#2454603
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9416) - you deserved it (51767)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by crunkdrunk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49919) - you deserved it (8227)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

#2076493
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59719) - you deserved it (8447)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

#1973868
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43830) - you deserved it (4483)

On 05/16/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

#1683242
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57273) - you deserved it (19937)

On 05/06/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

#1490808
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14885) - you deserved it (62748)

On 04/30/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by Telemistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

#1409707
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105544) - you deserved it (8220)

On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

#1346080
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82115) - you deserved it (5548)

On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As I put my hand in his boxers, he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

#868136
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18300) - you deserved it (100213)

On 04/08/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by cdoyle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

#866665
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19440) - you deserved it (71753)

On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

#810439
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51360) - you deserved it (18562)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

#810319
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57532) - you deserved it (8538)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by lifestinks - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: