Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

swampbaby985

Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member

swampbaby985

4Fucked!

swampbaby985swampbaby985
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 12 November 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3568
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About swampbaby985 : I come here mostly for shits and giggles, nothing more.

swampbaby985's page activity

Visits<b>Sludge3</b> - 24 hours ago<b>HarryHirsch</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 5:53am<b>Vertain</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 10:24am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 7:31am<b>menabella</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 12:36pm<b>twistedtwincity</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 6:27am<b>kaiboi702</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 5:45am<b>enphinitie</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 4:26am<b>vlalam</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 10:55pm<b>PaigeLeeAnn11</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 7:32pm<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 3:49pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 1:34pm<b>Shipley18</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 10:43pm<b>tiny1972</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 8:39am<b>Steph_mmarie</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 1:03am<b>leeleeamber</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 12:56pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 2:57pm<b>Danielle_xxx</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:20pm

Fucked!<b>Duckzy</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 5:28am<b>lukian</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 11:50pm<b>kantalita_claire</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 3:16am<b>braybrayden</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:31am

swampbaby985's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of swampbaby985's badges

swampbaby985's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31776) - you deserved it (7853)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

#14074806
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37122) - you deserved it (5172)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

#13927798
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17673) - you deserved it (48716)

On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

#13374619
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34591) - you deserved it (8368)

On 10/09/2010 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10259) - you deserved it (57150)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

#13261613
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46357) - you deserved it (4985)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

#12767492
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34258) - you deserved it (3381)

On 08/27/2010 at 2:49am - work - by atetoeate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

#12420355
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (10300)

On 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm - health - by fatman - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

#12266156
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17567) - you deserved it (26796)

On 08/02/2010 at 1:23pm - money - by Jay (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

#8966717
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13169) - you deserved it (26573)

On 03/10/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by ohno - United States

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

#8966717
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13169) - you deserved it (26573)

On 03/10/2010 at 6:05am - intimacy - by ohno - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

#8875479
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (4211)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

#8875479
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (4211)

On 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

#8515469
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25902) - you deserved it (3280)

On 02/21/2010 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by charliesangel123 (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my grandpa, a married high school teacher, got arrested for having an inappropriate relationship with a female student. Hearing the news, I called my grandma crying. Not only is he most likely going to jail, but in seven months I will have a new aunt who is eighteen years younger than me. FML

#7594942
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34673) - you deserved it (2097)

On 01/26/2010 at 7:09pm - misc - by newniece (woman) - United States (Ohio)



Juliette Bubulle's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Juliette's illustrated FML
  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: