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swaggyswagswag's FML badges
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swaggyswagswag's favorite FMLs
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML
by River / 07/18/2015 at 12:08am / Miscellaneous
by unhappy / 06/07/2015 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML
by Bonnie and Clyde / 05/07/2015 at 10:18pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by why? / 05/01/2015 at 9:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
by RBergman / 04/25/2015 at 4:05pm / United States (Wyoming) / Love
Today, I found out the name on my driver's license is incorrect. I don't know what's worse: the fact the government can't even copy a goddamn name correctly, or that it took me three months to notice, when a cop nearly arrested me for carrying a "fake" license. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2015 at 3:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by almost_a_pro / 04/23/2015 at 9:43am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous
by ThatSlappinBass / 04/17/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by Darbstar101 / 04/08/2015 at 9:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML
by Iwtumn / 03/17/2015 at 12:52pm / Austria / Health
by epicvixen / 03/15/2015 at 5:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by lordtimbit / 03/15/2015 at 11:01am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML
by teecrafter2038 / 03/12/2015 at 10:07am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, my sister and I went to visit my grandma. She looked at my sister and said, "You are just so skinny! You need to eat more cookies!" She then turned to me and said, "You should lay off the cookies!" FML
by Becca34 / 03/06/2015 at 9:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the… Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of… Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…