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superxmario91's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
superxmario91's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend was spending the day at my place. Later on, I walked in while she was making lunch. She had a jar of mayo in her hand, and I joked, "I have some mayo, but it doesn't come from a jar." She had a bluetooth headset on, and was in a call with her father. 5ML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
by fappy dog / 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML
by heartbrokenhaley / 01/23/2014 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Hairy_Potter / 01/23/2014 at 12:13pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Health
by MarBlu / 01/23/2014 at 7:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
by AnonWife / 01/21/2014 at 8:16pm / United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire) / Health
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Love
Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML
by MM / 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML
by ugh / 01/21/2014 at 1:55pm / Japan (Tokyo) / Work
by idiot says pussy / 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm / United States / Intimacy
by monsterinlaw / 01/21/2014 at 1:25am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML
by Ginger_Gawd / 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
- Today, while in a CROWDED restaurant, my mother asked my grandfather what he was going in to order.… Today, i got up and got ready for work at 6am, having not gone to bed until 2. When i got to work,… Today, I woke up from a dream in which I was making passionate love with a beautiful woman. The bad…