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superxmario91's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
superxmario91's favorite FMLs
Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
by mariana / 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by cryface / 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Nikia818 / 02/06/2014 at 1:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML
by no snow day / 02/05/2014 at 9:07am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
by anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm / United States / Health
Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm / United States (New York) / Health
by khfhjfsb / 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by LadyDeadpool88 / 02/04/2014 at 9:50am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by well i'm fucked / 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2014 at 4:29pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML
by Can't Believe It. / 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by foops / 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
- Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to… Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm… Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new…