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superxmario91's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
superxmario91's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML
by aireeahna / 02/12/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML
by Stuck / 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML
by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 1:11pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
by airhead2015 / 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched the Sochi Winter Games online. Excited by an athlete's victory, I yelled out, "YEAH!" to 20-or-so silent coworkers. As if to redeem myself, I then said, "Don't pretend like you're all working you lot!" Our boss was right behind me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML
by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/11/2014 at 2:10pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by took it / 02/09/2014 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health
by Tara115 / 02/09/2014 at 2:20am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML
by look before you speak / 02/09/2014 at 2:12am / United States / Love
by sierraleeannee / 02/09/2014 at 1:44am / United States / Kids
by O_o / 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML
by fuck you, dad / 02/08/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML
by grandma / 02/08/2014 at 10:12am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous