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superxmario91's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
superxmario91's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML
by bastard / 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm / United States / Kids
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
by bleach bleach bleach / 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 3:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by anon / 12/21/2013 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
by hot_friend / 12/19/2013 at 1:13am / United States / Love
Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML
by Wow. / 12/18/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Love
Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML
by Anon / 12/18/2013 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML
by abc123 / 12/16/2013 at 11:44am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by justin / 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by scared shitless / 12/10/2013 at 4:50am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 12:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by BabeWithBrains / 12/08/2013 at 2:01pm / United States (Wyoming) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML
by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…