superxmario91

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Offline (the 08/23/2014 at 4:58am)

superxmario91

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 10 September 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5000
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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superxmario91's page activity

Visits<b>sbarua219</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 2:31am<b>swaggingout</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 9:55am<b>sterling1113</b> - the 12/26/2013 at 6:48pm

Fucked!<b>swaggingout</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 3:55pm

superxmario91's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of superxmario91's badges

superxmario91's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

by thisisavirus.exe / 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

by awkword / 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

by AnnoyedSister / 12/30/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

by Jizzyface / 12/29/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

by ConfusedDad / 12/29/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Kids

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML

by daenerys stromboli / 12/28/2013 at 1:11pm / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy

Today, I went to take a shower. When I turned it on, no water came out. Only ants. FML

by anon / 12/27/2013 at 2:28am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

by JoshuasGirl / 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Work