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superxmario91's FML badges
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
superxmario91's favorite FMLs
by kyyle / 01/10/2014 at 11:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML
by lukas / 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 6:05pm / United States / Love
by wtf / 01/10/2014 at 11:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 11:12am / United States (Indiana) / Health
by RaccoonFever / 01/10/2014 at 6:15am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML
by polluxdc / 01/10/2014 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by ReallyMom / 01/09/2014 at 4:48pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
by Anonymous / 01/09/2014 at 12:59pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by loganHchrist / 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
by Anonymous / 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 175-pound rottweiler I've raised since a puppy watched me get jumped and robbed of my phone and money in my yard. An hour later, he hopped the fence and chased the mail man down the street after he leaned on the fence for a second. FML
by Zach Got Robbed / 01/08/2014 at 6:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
by Jae_Hellyun / 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…