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Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36887) - you deserved it (5777)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat c**t". FML

#21078597
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62097) - you deserved it (4391)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47920) - you deserved it (3548)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20516) - you deserved it (54281)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51988) - you deserved it (6865)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

#20992325
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42948) - you deserved it (7376)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28836) - you deserved it (13483)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57942) - you deserved it (4168)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41446) - you deserved it (3054)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53817) - you deserved it (2850)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44839) - you deserved it (2778)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43610) - you deserved it (5179)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

#20895521
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36070) - you deserved it (7526)

On 09/25/2013 at 10:42am - intimacy - by what (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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