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Today, I had my friend Mark over for dinner. My Dad asked him what his dad did for a living. We all squirmed a bit when he told us that his dad died last year. We all went about finishing our meal when suddenly my dad says: "I'm sorry, Mark, what did you say your dad did for a living again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43659) - you deserved it (1985)
On 08/25/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by youzabadgirl12 - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32756) - you deserved it (11456)
On 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm - work - by SweetFA (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45904) - you deserved it (15273)
On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54418) - you deserved it (7171)
On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I had a seizure at my boyfriend's. The second I began to seize, he cursed and picked me up, dropping me on the floor complaining "Now I have to clean the damn couch." I had urinated because I had no control over my body. The couch is still stained. He dumped me for ruining his furniture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73706) - you deserved it (5924)
On 08/07/2009 at 4:55am - love - by notsomuchinlove (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78479) - you deserved it (18449)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42387) - you deserved it (6311)
On 08/04/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34502) - you deserved it (20376)
On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47871) - you deserved it (21890)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34768) - you deserved it (9956)
On 07/21/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Pimp-Daddy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34768) - you deserved it (9956)
On 07/21/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Pimp-Daddy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43881) - you deserved it (2115)
On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30686) - you deserved it (3689)
On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35374) - you deserved it (19444)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41453) - you deserved it (1832)
On 07/05/2009 at 11:58am - love - by curiousorange (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Monday 20 May 2013
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