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super3286's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at a dinner with my dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guy who I found kind of cute and tried to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he started playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly and the PSP was clearly off. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 11:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML
by has-evil-friends / 11/26/2009 at 3:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched Paranormal Activity which is known to be the scariest film ever. After the film, I went to brush my teeth and out of the corner of my eye I saw the bathroom door closing by itself. I jumped out of my skin and stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush. It was just my dog. FML
by J / 11/24/2009 at 1:45pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Animals
Today, in dance class we did a choreography where we wear two shirts and take one off in one quick motion. After I took mine off, the audience goes "aaah". Then I realize that I had taken both my shirts off as stood there with only my bra on. I was being videotaped. FML
by girl / 11/21/2009 at 7:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy
by TheMichaelNixon / 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
by joeheathen / 11/13/2009 at 7:57am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML
by Elizabeh / 11/08/2009 at 5:38pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Health
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 4:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 1:22am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML
by BobbyHutchinson / 10/20/2009 at 11:57am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
by kierstin / 10/19/2009 at 11:54am / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML
by thelistman / 10/09/2009 at 9:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by screwwyou / 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- Today, I'm looking after three little girls, aged 3, 5 and 7 years old. We're watching Bambi, and… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…