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About sumbum95 : What's up, buttercup? :)
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2day my dad yet again utterd the words "well, that escalatd quickly,"hile watching the news . He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day . I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already . He raisd an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalatd quickly." FML
Today , I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good , then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by an he still hadn't come back. I called my friend an she said he doesn't smoke. FML
Today, I was on te toilet,en I noticed looool I could see my daugter dancing in te oter room in te mrror, so I took a picture wit my pone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out tat I was visible in te picture, sitting on te toilet and smiling. fat FML
Today, there was a new girl in one of mah classes. We both correctd a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leand back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgustd look and told me she was Jewish. FML
Yesterday, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrivd I textd her an she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML
Today, mah boyfriend drove me back home . My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap . He strokd the gun, lookd mah boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head . Now mah boyfriend refuses to see me fir his own safety . mega FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me 4 a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
TODAY, MY BROTHER CALLD ME, ASKING IF I COULD HELP HIM DO HIS TAXES. SINCE HE'S A HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE DROPOUT, I THOUGHT ALL I HAD TO DO WAS A 1040EZ. NO, LAST YEAR HE MADE MORE THAN TWICE WHAT I EARN, THROUGH SELF-EMPLOYMENT. I HAVE TWO MASTER'S DEGREES AND WORK AT BURGER KING. FML
Friday 27 March 2015