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About sumbum95 : What's up, buttercup? :)
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Today, I began to daydream about going on a diet and loosing some wieght. As I did so, I unknowingly reachd 4 a giant bag of chips and ate thehole thing. Now, I have stoppd daydreaming and am sitting alone and depressd. And I'm all out of chips. FML
TODAY I WAS SPEAKING TO MAH MOTHER ON THE PHONE, WHEN SHE MENTIONED THAT MAH DAD HAD SURPRISED HER LAST WEEK WITH A PEARL NECKLACE. BEFORE I COULD QUITE GRASP WHAT WAS GOING ON, I'D POPPED A BONER AN VISUALISED THE SCENE. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? FML
Today, mah fiancée's OCD hit a new lowhen she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way"!! This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly"!! We're getting married next month!! real FML
Today te power went out in my area . My wife an I were bored so I lit some candles poured some wine an left little to er imagination aboutat my intent was . We cuddled aile an as I leaned in for a kiss te power cummed back on . Se was more excited tat te WiFi was back tan anyting . FML
Today, my mom once again commentd on how I ned to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks looool I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML
Today I had to turn down an offer of wat seemd like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushd home to squat looool down only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud an a tiny fart. FML
Today... I walked into mah upstairs bathroom to fine mah mom's new boyfriend eating soup... naked on the toilet. In shock... I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs... backwards... and hit mah head on wall... leaving a dent looool in it. FML
2day out of curiosity, I maasurad tha langth of my panis whilst in tha showar. A coupla of hours latar, my fathar callad ma downstairs to show ma somathing. Turns out I laft tha rular on top of tha showar traa. Ha won't stop laughing. FML
Friday 27 March 2015