Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

sumbum95

Search for a member

sumbum95

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3262
  • Number of comments : 63
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About sumbum95 : What's up, buttercup? :)

I love meeting new people so shoot me a message! :D

sumbum95's page activity

Visits<b>Ian_from_0070</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 12:47pm<b>tinytitan98</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 9:52pm<b>blazerman</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 11:56am<b>weraru</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 12:50pm<b>XxCatalyst</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 11:14pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 7:52pm<b>xMrsCarlilex</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 1:59pm<b>Cristhian8</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 9:54pm<b>Arni792</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 3:32am<b>bigwiensch</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 11:42pm<b>daletris123</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 7:24pm<b>nancydope</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 4:07am<b>TheBoyWhoLived5</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 3:13pm<b>rockytop33</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 6:37pm<b>maxsing</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 9:56pm<b>gdduncan</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 6:38am<b>mageepaigeee44</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 7:29pm

sumbum95's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of sumbum95's badges

sumbum95's favorite FMLs

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

#20788038
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44473) - you deserved it (3711)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:56am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42846) - you deserved it (5966)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56255) - you deserved it (6665)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50957) - you deserved it (3483)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

#20784658
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41833) - you deserved it (3641)

On 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by lame-o-prof (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

#20782358
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49882) - you deserved it (4199)

On 07/14/2013 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58226) - you deserved it (12178)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

#20779957
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27535) - you deserved it (54082)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20353) - you deserved it (49396)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97691) - you deserved it (11330)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

#20767424
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48910) - you deserved it (2961)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:45pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML

#20758244
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47169) - you deserved it (8568)

On 07/01/2013 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

#20748362
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41329) - you deserved it (2968)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34957) - you deserved it (2959)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: