Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

sumbum95

Search for a member

sumbum95
  • Town/Country : SoCal, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2430
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About sumbum95 : What's up, buttercup? :)

I love meeting new people so shoot me a message! :D

sumbum95's last visitors

A07WiringifyjaffvisPwibXxCatalystangelicdevilxdissizitthe1pumpCHUMPninjuh_wingman

sumbum95's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of sumbum95's badges

sumbum95's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

#21118067
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17259) - you deserved it (1768)

On 04/20/2014 at 1:21pm - misc - by Not-pregnant (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

#21117292
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27664) - you deserved it (3221)

On 04/19/2014 at 4:12pm - love - by snore - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

#21116561
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28417) - you deserved it (2775)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

#21116013
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30126) - you deserved it (9269)

On 04/18/2014 at 1:37am - misc - by Fatass - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

#20883308
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50367) - you deserved it (4594)

On 09/16/2013 at 12:35am - health - by chestycough - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

#20879220
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42572) - you deserved it (4677)

On 09/13/2013 at 1:55am - work - by ellen77 - United States (California)

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

#20876882
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38652) - you deserved it (5841)

On 09/11/2013 at 10:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

#20874079
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68705) - you deserved it (3787)

On 09/09/2013 at 3:19am - love - by heartbroken - United States (California)

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

#20869383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52984) - you deserved it (3660)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by whatjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML

#20858245
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51500) - you deserved it (3710)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm - love - by Thanks everyone (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at work, two teenage girls caused a huge scene and told me to get lost, after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

#20848839
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44288) - you deserved it (14273)

On 08/22/2013 at 1:31am - work - by Kingofbosses (man) - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

#20833982
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41950) - you deserved it (3543)

On 08/12/2013 at 4:04pm - misc - by idonteven - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

#20829995
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56967) - you deserved it (5169)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

#20825004
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42722) - you deserved it (13484)

On 08/07/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by ImNotFat - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: