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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Mobility
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50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18936) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21429) - you deserved it (12045)
On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18328) - you deserved it (1353)
On 10/15/2012 at 3:57pm - money - by Pissed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29978) - you deserved it (1468)
On 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm - animals - by AdamwithanA (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19827) - you deserved it (8006)
On 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wokingham)
Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22795) - you deserved it (1315)
On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48519) - you deserved it (1983)
On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15157) - you deserved it (1305)
On 09/16/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Blueberry (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20172) - you deserved it (2148)
On 09/02/2012 at 8:44am - love - by rotezora (woman) - Switzerland (Basel-Stadt)
Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20365) - you deserved it (1106)
On 08/30/2012 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)
Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18372) - you deserved it (1343)
On 08/20/2012 at 5:14am - misc - by scared to leave the house (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15708) - you deserved it (2856)
On 08/13/2012 at 8:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26805) - you deserved it (1241)
On 08/04/2012 at 8:44pm - misc - by m - United States (Indiana)
Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16107) - you deserved it (2035)
On 08/04/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by fuckingbeliebers (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45738) - you deserved it (7548)
On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Monday 17 June 2013
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