im sugar bear (aka allison). I live in raleigh, north carolina, but im orginally from seattle, washington.
my favorite color is blue, my favorite sport is hockey, my favorite number is 3.
if you dont care why are you reading this?
Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37080) - you totally deserved it (1538)
On 08/04/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by superfiedman (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30521) - you totally deserved it (11944)
On 08/04/2009 at 3:55am - love - by Ouchithurt (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15111) - you totally deserved it (35066) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you totally deserved it (2318)
On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42242) - you totally deserved it (10205)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that even though my parents have been married for 21 years, our "family friend," who routinely accompanies us on family vacations, completes their threesome. Everyone in town has know for years, except for me and my older brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35442) - you totally deserved it (1124)
On 07/19/2009 at 10:05pm - misc - by whitechocolate (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, after a fight with my sister, I took a shower. While rinsing out my "conditioner" I realized with horror what my sister had done for revenge. Her bottle of Nair was empty, my bottle of conditioner was full, and my hair was being washed down the drain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56029) - you totally deserved it (3399)
On 07/13/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by vivalavida12 - United States (New York)
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32398) - you totally deserved it (3678)
On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28896) - you totally deserved it (5466)
On 07/11/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by RR (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40294) - you totally deserved it (1454)
On 07/09/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by lady_jeni - United States (California)
Today, I was getting a pedicure and the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds because they love skin. She then describes for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50568) - you totally deserved it (1482)
On 06/25/2009 at 4:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (220243) - you totally deserved it (243986)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks (115506) - you totally deserved it (7931)
On 02/10/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by maxthndr (man) - United States
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