About suckmysarcasm : hi. i like music, anime, art, and horror movies message me if u want to know more.
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suckmysarcasm's favorite FMLs
Today, I went for coffee with some people from work. I lined up to order behind a guy I'd only met a few times. When he paid, he dropped his wallet, and I saw that he had a picture of me cut from the company newsletter, enlarged, and taped inside his wallet. FML
by CreepyPaperDoll / 11/05/2009 at 1:36am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/01/2009 at 1:56am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
by Pierceew / 09/19/2009 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
by benander / 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by ginny / 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML
by ByeByeBlackberry / 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
by Catscratch / 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm / United States (California) / Animals
by pokie / 08/30/2009 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
by gbhlaughingstock / 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took it off without my knowing; I didn't realize until after. When I asked him in horror why he would do such a thing, he said "I love you. I want you to have my child." It had been our second date. FML
by SoniaLovesYou / 08/09/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML
by pear8head / 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
by piratequeen / 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 6:46pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML
by drooler / 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He… Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same… Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem,…
- Today, I got a failing grade on my pre-calc final. After I broke the news to my dad, he slammed the… Today, is Day 5 of Battle Against the Bedbugs. Just found the larvae in the screwholes of my bed.… Today, I was trying to get my nail polish off in a rush. I had my nail polish remover propped up in…