About suckmysarcasm : hi. i like music, anime, art, and horror movies message me if u want to know more.
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suckmysarcasm's favorite FMLs
by Tony / 10/18/2011 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by stdpositivenow / 10/18/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Florida) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 12:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML
by blarp / 10/17/2011 at 12:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
by myasshurts / 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Nixontones / 10/14/2011 at 11:09am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 12:56pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after getting dumped by my boyfriend, I tried to find comfort in one of my closest friends. He embraced me while I struggled against tears, and after a few moments of silence said, "Hey, you know what? I would fuck you anytime. Anytime." FML
by scewable / 10/13/2011 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
by therevsev / 10/02/2011 at 2:05am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I bought a UV light so I could detect cat pee, since I was sure my cat was relieving herself on the carpet. I decided to try it out in the living room first. Nearly half the room lit up like a Christmas tree. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/24/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by cjy152 / 09/21/2011 at 10:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my mom accidentally hit my dog. She didn't see him and she felt so bad. She started cuddling… Today, I was craving a bean & cheese burrito. After trying to forget about burritos for half of the… Today, I went for an operation. Only to walk out with my gallbladder still there and the news I am…