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stupidretriever

Offline (the 07/27/2015 at 3:48pm) | Search for a member

stupidretriever

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 334
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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stupidretriever's page activity

Visits<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 6:57pm<b>Schala360</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:49pm<b>Mewling_Quim</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 2:29am<b>teejessika</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 6:43am

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stupidretriever's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

#21443446
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26187) - you deserved it (2797)

On 07/18/2015 at 7:09am - intimacy - by henhouse - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I received 46 emails from co-workers who were using reply-all to tell everyone else not to use reply-all. FML

#21413067
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (1714)

On 05/20/2015 at 2:47pm - work - by farf -

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

#21382942
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28056) - you deserved it (2065)

On 03/28/2015 at 11:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

#21264930
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29206) - you deserved it (14601)

On 09/25/2014 at 2:21am - health - by skollasch - United States (California)

Today, as I was driving out of a parking lot, some douchebag yelled at me: "Nice car! Too bad you're so ugly!" It was my friend's car, so I don't even have that going for me. FML

#21246563
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37689) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:21pm - misc - by leem (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43577) - you deserved it (27810)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37686) - you deserved it (12578)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

#21199559
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44667) - you deserved it (7110)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

#21187469
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54250) - you deserved it (5930)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by headdesk (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

#21074690
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (39728)

On 03/01/2014 at 3:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40164) - you deserved it (4054)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

#20854994
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51867) - you deserved it (13552)

On 08/26/2013 at 11:16am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

#20759731
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47925) - you deserved it (5060)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Vermont)

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

#20746882
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40568) - you deserved it (5622)

On 06/25/2013 at 5:45pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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