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stretchedthin

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stretchedthin

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 May 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 490
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About stretchedthin : A momma who you don't want to mess with

stretchedthin's page activity

Visits<b>aubztrost123</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 2:37pm<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 12:11pm<b>NH_Freelancer</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:05am<b>utrax</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 7:11am<b>thelittlemissy</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 6:51am<b>Debbiek</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 5:44am<b>Daisyflower89</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:46am<b>LuckBeNimble</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:29am<b>iBowdenzz</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:15am<b>mysteryman0997</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:09am<b>_u7m</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 1:01am<b>hexedghost</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 10:30pm<b>Crusher74</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 9:39pm<b>QuaSiCos</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:59pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 6:22pm<b>parism143</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 11:08am<b>AmberP02</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 2:46pm<b>TheFirstHipster</b> - the 05/18/2014 at 12:06pm

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

50 favourites

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stretchedthin's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28837) - you deserved it (37153)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

#21092620
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34082) - you deserved it (7091)

On 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm - misc - by richard (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41509) - you deserved it (7857) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML

#21008605
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45754) - you deserved it (3621)

On 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonomous - United States (Vermont)

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

#21005939
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30857) - you deserved it (7933)

On 12/26/2013 at 7:08am - love - by anon - Australia

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

#20999316
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42534) - you deserved it (2503)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by nopissleft (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I farted so loud that I woke myself up. And the stranger sitting next to me on the airplane. FML

#20988758
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41661) - you deserved it (6882)

On 12/11/2013 at 8:14am - misc - by pootie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

#20985898
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46024) - you deserved it (7191)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:52am - kids - by Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

#20966555
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39370) - you deserved it (11527)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by InsertPopcicle (woman) - United States

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42047) - you deserved it (7881)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

#20872880
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49402) - you deserved it (3160)

On 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51551) - you deserved it (11146)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24169) - you deserved it (62644)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

#20755283
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48765) - you deserved it (3126)

On 06/30/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by whipplewhip - United States



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