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stolentoilet

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stolentoilet
  • Town/Country : The U. S. of A.
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 1 January 1995 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 73
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About stolentoilet : I'm one of those crazy half Asians (aka Halfies). I have German, Irish, English, Martian, Japanese and yeaaaahhhh...... I have an amazing boyfriend who would never do the shit that happens on these FML's (thank god). If you wanna holler at me you should. Idk if I will respond in a timely manner but I do provide interesting and intellectual conversation. ^.^
Oh yeah, btw.
I LOVE absolutely LOVE
BOOKSS!!!!

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stolentoilet's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

#20615252
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62534) - you deserved it (3990)

On 04/23/2013 at 4:17am - love - by mybossisanass (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

#20420113
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29402) - you deserved it (3247)

On 12/25/2012 at 12:00am - love - by all by myself - United States (Alaska)

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

#20414355
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33000) - you deserved it (5312)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm - kids - by Jane (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

#20158967
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21003) - you deserved it (5428)

On 11/11/2012 at 1:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27375) - you deserved it (4837)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

#20020463
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20823) - you deserved it (1681)

On 08/14/2012 at 11:02am - love - by WELLFUCKYOUTOO (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

#19870672
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42971) - you deserved it (1616)

On 06/30/2012 at 8:48am - health - by Jobby (woman) -

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

#19745357
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (2846)

On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

#19211804
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35887) - you deserved it (24927)

On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

#18841081
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32215) - you deserved it (2348)

On 01/18/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by meh - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

#17880531
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26531) - you deserved it (3169)

On 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm - misc - by FirstStringQB - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

#17641775
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24258) - you deserved it (2709)

On 09/02/2011 at 2:54am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

#16235054
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27931) - you deserved it (11312)

On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70053) - you deserved it (5707)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

#15336474
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39658) - you deserved it (6477)

On 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by thisblows - United States (Pennsylvania)



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