stolentoilet

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stolentoilet

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 1 January 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 175
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About stolentoilet : I'm one of those crazy half Asians (aka Halfies). I have German, Irish, English, Martian, Japanese and yeaaaahhhh...... I have an amazing boyfriend who would never do the shit that happens on these FML's (thank god). If you wanna holler at me you should. Idk if I will respond in a timely manner but I do provide interesting and intellectual conversation. ^.^
Oh yeah, btw.
I LOVE absolutely LOVE
BOOKSS!!!!

stolentoilet's page activity

Visits<b>ThatRedneck</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 9:56pm

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stolentoilet's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered why my boss kept on scheduling me to work doubles almost every day. It wasn't because she knew I needed the extra money; she was hoping that my boyfriend would break up with me because I'm never home, and date her instead. It worked. FML

by mybossisanass / 04/23/2013 at 4:17am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

by all by myself / 12/25/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

by Jane / 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2012 at 1:50pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

by WELLFUCKYOUTOO / 08/14/2012 at 11:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

by Jobby / 06/30/2012 at 8:48am / Health

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

by BrianTheLion89 / 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML

by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

by meh / 01/18/2012 at 12:21am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

by FirstStringQB / 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor declared his love for me via "the medium of interpretative dance." FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

by JCC / 05/18/2011 at 6:57am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

by thisblows / 03/16/2011 at 12:50pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy