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stlcards220's FML badges
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stlcards220's favorite FMLs
Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML
by CapitolSouthSux / 09/19/2013 at 8:54am / United States / Transportation
Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML
by buxton1 / 02/18/2013 at 3:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by spellbound / 12/19/2012 at 9:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, my power finally came back on. I excitedly went and spent $100 to refill my fridge, only to come back home and discover the power is out again, and might not be back on for another three days. FML
by eggmarie / 07/10/2012 at 12:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Money
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML
by BrokebyKids / 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by brentkd / 07/20/2010 at 12:34pm / United States / Animals
by SickSmick / 02/09/2010 at 7:22am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health
Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML
by snowman / 02/06/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML
by wowsucks / 01/30/2010 at 4:40am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML
by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
by Toaster / 07/30/2009 at 11:11am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by Herdad / 07/30/2009 at 7:34am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…