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stiansr's favorite FMLs
Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML
by bleach bleach bleach / 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML
by nopissleft / 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
by BabeWithBrains / 12/08/2013 at 2:01pm / United States (Wyoming) / Love
by Char / 09/09/2012 at 1:02pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Health
Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML
by bear / 05/21/2012 at 6:47pm / Norway (Nordland) / Health
by Bridget / 05/06/2012 at 2:01pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML
by MissMae93 / 04/25/2012 at 9:27pm / United States / Health
Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML
by ohgodwhy / 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML
by Katelyn / 04/20/2012 at 1:58pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML
by ... / 04/15/2012 at 5:26pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 4:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
by rescuetheduck / 04/10/2012 at 3:26pm / Finland (Eastern Finland) / Work
by breakfast tea / 04/07/2012 at 3:30pm / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous
Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML
by Sash / 04/06/2012 at 5:04pm / United Kingdom / Love
by rubberduckie94 / 04/06/2012 at 9:17am / United States / Animals