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Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40221) - you totally deserved it (9034)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33314) - you totally deserved it (4844)
On 08/07/2009 at 11:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44044) - you totally deserved it (5806)
On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42265) - you totally deserved it (10212)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (44007) - you totally deserved it (2410)
On 07/25/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41905) - you totally deserved it (2279)
On 07/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by Sally (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36698) - you totally deserved it (1464)
On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11550) - you totally deserved it (23874)
On 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm - work - by kjcarey123 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40980) - you totally deserved it (6853)
On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came home early from work to surprise my son with a new mountain bike for his birthday. To keep it a surprise I carried it quietly up to his bedroom. As I opened the door I heard my son say "Oh man, you're gonna make me cum" to the nice girl he was on top of. He just turned 14. FML
I agree, your life sucks (80241) - you totally deserved it (11219)
On 03/08/2009 at 10:02pm - kids - by HolyCrap (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4917) - you totally deserved it (45247)
On 03/02/2009 at 9:22am - misc - by neelloc83 - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39222) - you totally deserved it (2442)
On 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by MADfml - United States (Virginia)
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