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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Taday I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school , when out of nowhere a brd smashed into the windshield !! Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me , my daughter started laughing , eventually calling the brd a ( stupid bastard ) !! FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park an did wat she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg an peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies,hen a kid cummed over, yelled ( CUP CHECK! ) an nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Million of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatas mom did was chuckle nervously an pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML
Today, aftar a big housa party tha night bafora, I woka up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangovar. I took a swig from a cup I'd laft on mah badsida tabla tha night bafora, thinking it was watar. Nopa; it was vodka. FML
Today, it's five days until my wedding an I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister . They share clothes, have the same harcut, an they even take turns flrting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me . I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one . FML
Today, to teac ma 14-year-old son a serious lesson 4 bullying a cild at scool again, I grounded im 4 te rest of te year. He just snorted an said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year ten! Tanks, mum!" an appily retreated to is bedroom. FML
YESTERDAY, MAH 808 AREA CODE PHONE NUMBER HAS YET AGAIN BEEN MISTAKEN 4 A 1-800 NUMBER . I'VE BEEN GETTING PHONE CALLS AT THREE IN THE MORNING FROM PEOPLE ON THE EAST COASTHO ARE TRYING TO RETURN THIER SHOES . THEY WANT TO SPEAK TO MAH SUPERVISOR BECAUSE I "DON'T SOUND PROFESSIONAL ENOUGH." FML
Today, I used a facial mask 4 super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness 4 thrty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size 4 several hours." FML
Today, after years of marriage and mah lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML
Today , when I went to the shopping centre , the automatic door wouldn't open fir me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it fir me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML
Friday 27 March 2015