About starw0lf : I have been an FML reader (lurker) for a while and decided to make an account just recently.
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starw0lf's favorite FMLs
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
by Noca / 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML
by gentileman / 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
by Noname / 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML
by thankskimi / 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
by SalonGirl / 03/10/2009 at 7:55am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML
by Ma.Sa.La. / 02/27/2009 at 10:18am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML
by The V Sal / 02/13/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by apricot / 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML
- Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…