About starman02 : Alright first of all I invented water.. You've probably drank it, or swam in it before yeah that stuff.. Your welcome
I'm a retired astronaut
I've competed in the UFC professionally I'm undefeated inside the octagon
I can fly, no you can't see
I'm married to batman
Your family wanted to adopt me when we were kids
I can answer the mysteries of the universe
I get presents on your birthday from your friends, if they are mutual friends I get your presents
I punched a shark in the face and made it cry
When I was a kid I single handedly built a time machine and stopped hitler from winning WWII yeah.. Your welcome world
I look directly into the sun absorb the sunlight and than use it to see in the dark later
I'm fireproof
The devil sold his soul to me, I gave it to Justin bieber
I smell great
I am awesome
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Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44933) - you deserved it (3124)
On 09/01/2010 at 7:10am - intimacy - by fmlskank93 - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32865) - you deserved it (11289)
On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11746) - you deserved it (47821)
On 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm - work - by Joel - United States (California)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38256) - you deserved it (10978)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78024) - you deserved it (4310)
On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16608) - you deserved it (2280)
On 03/15/2010 at 12:44pm - misc - by bunnylover (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6979) - you deserved it (18550)
On 01/12/2010 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by loveade11 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28293) - you deserved it (2547)
On 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by lifesux (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (18447)
On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18885) - you deserved it (1623)
On 09/12/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (136939) - you deserved it (10971)
On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31599) - you deserved it (2754)
On 06/16/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by yourmom (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was fingering my girlfriend. When suddenly she started crying at the peak of her orgasm, when I asked what was wrong, she replied. "I-I-I MISS HIM!" She was crying about her ex boyfriend. While I was inside her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (122958) - you deserved it (8041)
On 04/29/2009 at 11:47am - intimacy - by fingerfuckd (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
I agree, your life sucks (91108) - you deserved it (6006)
On 04/27/2009 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by seriouslywtf (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML
I agree, your life sucks (94814) - you deserved it (4892)
On 04/18/2009 at 3:20am - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Monday 20 May 2013
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