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ssavari8

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ssavari8

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ssavari8's favorite FMLs

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36062) - you deserved it (3230)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

#21334215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25963) - you deserved it (1906)

On 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, I was sitting at my computer, petting one of my cats, who was sitting on my lap. My other cat got jealous and tried to climb onto my lap as well. They ended up fighting. I was wearing shorts. FML

#21333736
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27181) - you deserved it (3669)

On 01/09/2015 at 1:44am - animals - by Crazy Cat Guy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

#21325566
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33708) - you deserved it (2615)

On 12/27/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by Twysted91 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

#21320043
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32867) - you deserved it (2649)

On 12/18/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by ai_lauren (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my classmate commented on how quiet I am. I responded with, "Well, nobody plots murder out loud," trying to be funny. My teacher tried to get me arrested. FML

#21318752
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35060) - you deserved it (6732)

On 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm - work - by justjoking - United States

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

#21279204
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34515) - you deserved it (3455)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37083) - you deserved it (16369)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

#21271461
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43196) - you deserved it (2515)

On 10/05/2014 at 7:30pm - animals - by FML - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35628) - you deserved it (3033)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

#21270463
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35467) - you deserved it (10522)

On 10/04/2014 at 1:43am - intimacy - by manymisfortunes - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

#21270314
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29998) - you deserved it (6345)

On 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29884) - you deserved it (10300)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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