About squigmo1414 : Hi, my name is Haley. I am a hopeful author and a future X-Ray tech with the worst luck imaginable (sometimes). As of now, I am in a longstanding relationship, work retail, and spend most of my time doing multiple nerdy things like video games or Dungeons and Dragons. Oh yeah, and I hate cats.
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squigmo1414's favorite FMLs
Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML
by jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck / 06/09/2014 at 5:45pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Animals
by thepixies842 / 05/19/2014 at 11:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by tothebaneofkings / 04/23/2014 at 12:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML
by Ieri / 04/12/2014 at 5:56pm / Albania / Love
by Anonymous / 04/11/2014 at 9:40pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
by mookiemookie01 / 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm / Miscellaneous
by thanksdad / 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Health
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML
by Mojo0608 / 03/05/2014 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Richmond upon Thames) / Health
by Anonytard / 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by lacy / 03/01/2014 at 3:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by dontgothere / 02/22/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy