Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

squiggles1020

Search for a member

squiggles1020

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7305
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

squiggles1020's page activity

Visits<b>melons</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 8:28am<b>savery08</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 11:14pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:52pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 2:01am<b>butterflyeyes</b> - the 10/18/2009 at 9:36pm<b>visage</b> - the 09/01/2009 at 5:55pm<b>punknkat</b> - the 09/01/2009 at 1:18am<b>sdawl</b> - the 08/24/2009 at 1:29pm<b>Dale_xD</b> - the 08/22/2009 at 9:48am<b>crackAjack</b> - the 08/04/2009 at 12:50pm<b>ReinaJay</b> - the 07/30/2009 at 7:51pm<b>douche_baggins</b> - the 07/30/2009 at 2:58am<b>bloodthorn</b> - the 07/30/2009 at 1:50am<b>emuhleah92</b> - the 07/15/2009 at 12:43pm<b>arieanacrust</b> - the 06/03/2009 at 11:31pm<b>jmeg</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 9:28am<b>dekz</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 11:23pm<b>ProZilver</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 2:28am

squiggles1020's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

squiggles1020's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31245) - you deserved it (90386)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

#1971968
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50376) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/16/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by notacreep (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

#1902044
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54611) - you deserved it (3671)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:46pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I was taking a bath and needed shampoo. I leaned on the soap holder to get some and it came off the wall. Huge ants started pouring out running up the walls, down the walls, EVERYWHERE. I ran out of the bathroom screaming, completely naked. FML

#1862791
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82563) - you deserved it (6538)

On 05/12/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by Karmas3itch - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

#1837844
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98535) - you deserved it (5525)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up happier than I've ever been because last night I hooked up with the girl I have loved for almost a year and I thought I would never get with her. This morning I saw that her status on Facebook was "FML". FML

#1782670
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80448) - you deserved it (7014)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:18pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

#1773793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52720) - you deserved it (4963)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23659) - you deserved it (48471)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727
693 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19079) - you deserved it (263724)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82736) - you deserved it (25240)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

#1751359
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74224) - you deserved it (44126)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm - intimacy - by stpdaziandude (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

#1706797
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76904) - you deserved it (8637)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

#1693218
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76416) - you deserved it (5036)

On 05/06/2009 at 3:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

#1690188
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105976) - you deserved it (24331)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

#1648033
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9502) - you deserved it (81540)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by daddyslittlegirl250 (woman) - United States (Maryland)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: