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Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML
Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML
Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML