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Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post an a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML
Today, I went to the park an sat down on a bench to enjoy mah coffee. I hered a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was mah daughter. FML
Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old grl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML
Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top . My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed . FML
Today , a man dressd as Santa Claus walkd by me , grabbing mah butt. He smelld of pipe tobacco an pee. He pulld me close to him anhisperd , ( I bet your naughty but u feel so nice. ) I lookd dumbfoundd at him as he winkd an yelld , ( You're on mah list. ) FML
Today, while sleeping over at mah girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back an once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light cummed on an at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. mega FML
Today My Doctor Told Me To Buy Some KY Jelly And A Dildo To Help "loosen Me Up" So Sex Isn't So Painful. I Haven't Been Able To Have Sex Fir 6 Months Cuz It Hurts So Badly, And Now My Doctor Has Basically Told Me To Go Fuck Myself. Big Fat FML
Yesterday, I found out that my ( I don't believe in pre-marital sex ) boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. real FML
today I was given new meds , and apparently my body doesn't understand te difference between "may cause stomac upset" and "you will crap yourself as you ave an orgasm wile aving sex wit yur boyfriend." FML
Today, I Putted An Anonymous Note Under My Nieghbour's Door Asking Them To Not Have Sex So Loudly During The Day. Since Then, I Haven't Heard Any Sex. Unfortunately, I Have Heard A Woman Crying Loudly Because She Just Found Out About Her Husband's Affair. FML
Friday 27 March 2015