spnmemories

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spnmemories

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 521
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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spnmemories's favorite FMLs

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

by sales ham / 03/06/2013 at 12:44am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

by peace out / 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals

Today, my elderly neighbor had asked me to take her to her early morning doctor's appointment. I arrived at her house at 7:30 as agreed, and she appeared to have forgotten who I was. She started lobbing eggs out of her window at me, telling me she wasn't interested in what I was selling. FML

by she sure has an arm. / 02/28/2013 at 6:57am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents told me that I'm no longer allowed to come home from boarding school on weekends because it will confuse my cats and disrupt their lives. FML

by incendiaaa / 02/24/2013 at 6:17am / Australia / Animals

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

by shelbylove115 / 02/22/2013 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

by okay then / 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

by sofuckingembarassing. / 02/11/2013 at 2:19pm / United States / Love

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

by obsequiousfannyflapper / 02/10/2013 at 6:13pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

by littlemiss / 02/10/2013 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 10:36am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

by BonGoWash / 02/07/2013 at 9:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

by DogLover / 02/06/2013 at 8:59am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous