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speedydrumstix

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speedydrumstix
  • Town/Country : Portland ME, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 August 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 6659
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About speedydrumstix : Dark for fear of failure, an inner gloom as wide as an eye and
fermenting, roiling hate, death grip in my veins, unveiling rancid
petals, flowering forth foul nectar, the space between
a blink and a tear
...death blooms.

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speedydrumstix's favorite FMLs

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

#2230053
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9505) - you deserved it (42726)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

#2210993
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43053) - you deserved it (8675)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm - love - by jimbop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
532 comments

I agree, your life sucks (197072) - you deserved it (20883)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

#2199355
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49469) - you deserved it (5941)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by zbaby (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

#2182938
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80047) - you deserved it (9813)

On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

#2175107
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10254) - you deserved it (40683)

On 05/22/2009 at 8:09am - work - by bigblue51 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55432) - you deserved it (4363)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

#2168919
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55432) - you deserved it (4363)

On 05/22/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by fmlcops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

#2165517
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38481) - you deserved it (9056)

On 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

#2143757
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15131) - you deserved it (52922)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

#2137962
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51128) - you deserved it (3457)

On 05/21/2009 at 4:06am - animals - by georgia819 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

#2137630
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46945) - you deserved it (2073)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by verycre8tive (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29207) - you deserved it (419934)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)



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