speedydrumstix

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speedydrumstix

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 11 August 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7330
  • Number of comments : 41
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About speedydrumstix : Dark for fear of failure, an inner gloom as wide as an eye and
fermenting, roiling hate, death grip in my veins, unveiling rancid
petals, flowering forth foul nectar, the space between
a blink and a tear
...death blooms.

speedydrumstix's page activity

Visits<b>jill97</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 11:47pm<b>max367</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 2:53am<b>Ashleyyyyy88</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 12:35am<b>ChloeMeyers_Xo</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Littlest_things</b> - the 12/31/2014 at 4:39pm<b>mollypop35</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 10:23pm<b>g1rl</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 6:42am<b>tyoung94</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 11:11pm<b>lexi1337</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 2:15pm<b>why_teh_hell</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 2:59pm<b>NOTasGOODasME</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 11:16am<b>vanessuhm</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 7:58am<b>supa_steban</b> - the 07/31/2013 at 8:30pm<b>theWulff</b> - the 05/29/2013 at 11:43pm<b>shorty6823</b> - the 04/01/2013 at 11:33am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:30pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:59am<b>iztrollinnn</b> - the 02/09/2010 at 10:09pm

speedydrumstix's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

speedydrumstix's favorite FMLs

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

by Clueless / 05/24/2009 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

by jimbop / 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

by zbaby / 05/23/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

by herve / 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Intimacy

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

by bigblue51 / 05/22/2009 at 8:09am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

by fmlcops / 05/22/2009 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, my car died on a major road, a cop pulled over to help, he offered to jump me, while doing so because my battery was so dead he told me to put the gas on the floor, I did and my car roared to life, he then pulled me over five feet from where my car died to give me a ticket for a loud exhaust. FML

by fmlcops / 05/22/2009 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 10:45pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2009 at 12:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my cat was hit by a car. I took it to the vet expecting the worst but they told me that she’d be fine. I was so happy I didn't even mind paying the $50 bill. The next morning my cat was dead. Having her put down humanely would have cost $45, I paid $5 extra to have her die in my kitchen. FML

by georgia819 / 05/21/2009 at 4:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

by verycre8tive / 05/21/2009 at 3:31am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

by apricot / 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy