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spastiksarcastic

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spastiksarcastic
  • Town/Country : silent hill, united states
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 July 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 923
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About spastiksarcastic : so much swag

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spastiksarcastic's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16630) - you deserved it (42420)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10292) - you deserved it (32079)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

#20037281
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5311) - you deserved it (65297)

On 08/23/2012 at 9:42am - misc - by TheBeautifulOne (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

#20035629
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17155) - you deserved it (1076)

On 08/22/2012 at 12:57pm - misc - by ZAS (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the water park, my grandmother's boob slipped out. Every time I close my eyes, I see her dangling breast in my mind. FML

#20029280
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26341) - you deserved it (2302)

On 08/19/2012 at 1:25am - misc - by JMG - United States

Today, I was driving back home with my family. I had to sit quietly for half an hour, all while pretending I didn't notice my sister playing with herself under the coat on her lap. FML

#18891781
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39059) - you deserved it (3206)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by jjs51 (man) - United States

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

#18877694
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25848) - you deserved it (4335)

On 01/22/2012 at 4:12am - love - by sisco2901 (man) - Slovakia (Nitra)

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

#18876048
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32922) - you deserved it (1937)

On 01/22/2012 at 12:09am - kids - by thosedamnkids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML

#18869027
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33574) - you deserved it (2697)

On 01/21/2012 at 8:25am - love - by addicted2v - United States (New York)

Today, I got fired. My coworker decided to imitate my voice, stand outside of my boss's office door, and say insulting things about his daughter. FML

#18860148
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29022) - you deserved it (1958)

On 01/20/2012 at 7:13am - work - by XxJennJennXxX - United States

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

#18844188
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27264) - you deserved it (4507)

On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

#18842582
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22234) - you deserved it (4712)

On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have gone through the roof, making me constantly horny. My girlfriend lives on another continent. The reason I'm working out so hard? To impress her when I see her next. FML

#18836857
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19625) - you deserved it (3833)

On 01/17/2012 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Dooh (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

#18832495
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19756) - you deserved it (2315)

On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML

#18822842
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30067) - you deserved it (6560)

On 01/16/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)



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